Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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