I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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