You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
