He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
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Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
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Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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