what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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