I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
