can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
