I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
