i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
