I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
