Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
