I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
