I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
