sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
