this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
