Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
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