and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
This house was built for laser tag.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
