dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
