He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
