So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
