what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
