I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
