Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
