i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
