see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
