i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
