Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
