I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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