I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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