$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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