The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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