I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
