my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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