Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
