I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
