1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
