Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
