apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
