sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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