Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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