i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The beer is more important than you right now.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
