one word: firstdatebathroomanal
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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