dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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