Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
