I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
