My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize