my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
