just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
