I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I cut my penus on the lid.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
