I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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