She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
