This is not my ceiling
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
