I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
