I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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