She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
