I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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