after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
