you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
PANTIES FOUND
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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