i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
