thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
