Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
