One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
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Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
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The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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