dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
