I am in a vortex of obligation.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
