Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
FUCK WHALES
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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