I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
