this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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