wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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