Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
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In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
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I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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