If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.