I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.