Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
