I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
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I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
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looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?