erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
