I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
