He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
