She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
