You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
