wakey wakey hands off snakey
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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