I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
