hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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