The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
